One Reframe That Can Change Your Family's Story

By Frances Barry

Recently, I was driving slowly through a parking garage when a child ran in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes. The child and I stared at each other, frozen, as their parent pulled them away. As I drove away, I imagined the inevitable reprimand: Don't run in parking lots.
Sound advice – but directions that begin with "don't" rarely land the way we intend. When a child hears 'don't run,' their mind may inadvertently focus on 'run' –
the very thing you want them to avoid. Or they simply tune out after the word 'don't.' Children can better follow directions that tell them what to do rather than what
not to do.
But this shift can be challenging. Our natural instincts are wired towards danger, what we don't want, not towards desire, what we do want. It takes real mental effort to override that pull. Let's replay the parking lot scene using a framework I call ORCA – Observe, Reflect, Connect, Act – and see what that looks like
in practice.