I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what our kids actually see when they look at us mothers.
Not the obvious things. We all know they see the lunches packed, the schedules managed, the reminders, the rides,the constant doing. But beyond that, there are the quieter things. The way we move through our days. The way we treat ourselves. Whether we mean to or not, we are showing them something about what it looks like to grow up. For a long time, I have thought being a good mom meant giving everything. If I am honest, part of me still feels that pull. It is hard to shake. Growing up, I believed that was simply what mothers did. They gave and gave and did not stop to think about themselves in the process. To be fair, a lot of motherhood does ask that of us. There are seasons where the needs are constant and the days are long, and you are pulled in every direction. That part is real. Still, I have started to notice something that gives me pause. My kids are watching how I handle all of it. They notice when I rush through meals or skip them entirely. They notice when I say I am “fine” but am clearly running on empty. They notice when I do not sit down, do not rest, and do not make space for myself. Even if they do not have the words for it yet, they are learning from it. That realization has shifted something for me. I do not want them to grow up thinking that being an adult, especially a mom, means constantly running yourself into the ground. I do not want them to believe that taking care of everyone else comes at the expense of taking care of yourself. I definitely do not want them to carry that into their own lives one day. So, I have been trying, in small ways, to do things differently. Not perfectly. Not dramatically. Just intentionally.
Sometimes that means actually sitting down to eat instead of picking at whatever is left on their plates. Sometimes it means stepping outside for a quick walk, even if there are a dozen other things that could be done. Sometimes it means saying out loud, “I need a minute,” and allowing that to be enough. What has surprised me is how quickly they accept it. There is no scoreboard in their heads keeping track of whether I have done enough for them that day. They are not measuring my worth by how exhausted I am. If anything, they seem more at ease when I am calmer, more present, and a little more like myself. That may be the point. Self-care has become one of those phrases that can feel overused or out of reach, as if it requires a full day off or something elaborate to count. I am starting to think it is much simpler than that. It is not about escaping your life. It is about staying in it in a way that includes you. It is letting your kids see that you are not just the person who keeps everything running. You are a person with needs, limits, and interests. You are someone who deserves care, too. When they see that consistently, it gives them permission. Permission to listen to themselves. Permission to rest when they need to. Permission to understand that taking care of themselves is not something they earn after burnout. It is something they are allowed to do all along. This time of year, there is a lot of focus on celebrating moms, and that is a beautiful thing. Perhaps part of that celebration can also be a small shift in how we show up for ourselves. Not in big unrealistic ways. Just in the quiet, everyday choices. The truth is, our kids are not just learning from what we do for them. They are learning from how we live. In truth, that may be the lesson that stays with them the longest.
Have a Happy Mother’s Day and God Bless!