Build Your Sense of Belonging This Thanksgiving

When this Thanksgiving arrives, the lucky ones among us know just where we’ll go for the big gathering and how we’ll contribute to the celebration.

Thanksgiving is an important family time. And, those friends who have been invited to join us are our honorary family members.

Besides the food, the conversations, and the hugs, it is the people we cherish the most, like our favorite uncle who dozes off all too quickly in front of the television, and our chatty aunt who can update us on everything about everyone in the family within minutes. They are the centers of our lives and our faithful annual pilgrimage proves it.

Some people have to book airline tickets months in advance, maneuver through congested airports, and endure long lines of anxious waiting, all for the privilege of a seat at the turkey feast. Those who host such a party spend hours, if not days or weeks, thoughtfully preparing and decorating the house to make all the guests feel welcome and comfortable.

The longer our traditions last, the more likely we take such celebrations for granted – until one day some unfortunate event takes place and breaks up our reunion, shocking and forcing us to regroup for future holidays.

The truth is that within every important gathering, whether it is a wedding, a holiday celebration, a club meeting, or a school reunion, lies our very sense of belonging, which helps define who we are and gives meaning to our existence in this world. The lack of inclusion in such core social groups can sink us into depression, isolation, and loneliness.

After all, we are all social creatures and learn very early on in life about ourselves through what we do and who we associate with. As we age and move around, we are constantly making changes and adjustments in our lives, which in turn, reshape our identity and sense of belonging.

Having been born in Shanghai over six decades ago as one of the four “worthless” daughters of a mother who herself had been given away as a young girl, I tried hard to build my sense of belonging early in life. My sisters and I were never invited to any family gatherings, and we grew up feeling lonely and sad.

Our only great fortune was that our mother loved us and she encouraged us to make friends with books. As avid young readers, we learned about our world through words. Since then, I have changed my identity many times over – from being a dejected little girl, to a college student, and then a tour guide for Americans visiting China in the 1980s. Later on, I flew across the ocean to further my education and eventually planted my roots here in America.

I have learned never to give up exploring and searching for my new identities – whether as a Chinese-American immigrant, a mother and a wife, poet, storyteller, and published author.

As a result of taking on all these new roles, my life is now richer than ever.

So, as we enjoy this year’s Thanksgiving gathering, don’t forget to give thanks to those who have given us a sense of belonging. It is also the perfect time of the year for us to contemplate how to expand our roles in this world to enrich our own lives and those around us.

Reflections From The East Column

By Qin Sun Stubis

You can always reach me at qstubis@gmail.com, or please visit QinSunStubis.com. You can find a copy of my book, “Once Our Lives,” online at Amazon.com