Bruce Sallan is
a single father
of two sons |
Do You Keep Secrets From Your Spouse?
An example of a good “white lie” is the ubiquitous situation in which a wife asks her husband, “Am I looking fat?” or “How do I look in this dress?” We men know there’s only one answer, really: “You look great, Honey,” or some version of that.
Yes, that is funny, but many life situations are not. Blended families pose their own unique challenges, especially when both partners bring children to that blend. Children naturally feel closer to their biological parent. Sometimes a biological child in a blended family will want to tell his or her mother or father something without it being revealed to their stepparent. I think this is an example of when keeping a secret may be okay.
It’s clear that this issue is incendiary and provokes strong feelings and reactions from both men and women. I expect to get blasted for this next generality, but I believe women want “no secrets” withheld, more than men do. My unscientific “A Dad’s Point-of-View” gender-poll at the gym got instant responses from the women that no secrets should be withheld, while the men were more reflective or replied, “It depends.”
When I delved into it further with the women, they too would say that they needed to think about it some more. The example of blended families and children feeling more comfortable opening up to their biological parent and asking that it be kept from their stepparent, usually got an “I’ll have to think about that” from these moms.
My position is a nuanced one. I also skirted any and all religious values and approached these situations in a truly secular manner. In no way do I want to imply that such religious values are invalid and, frankly, I believe a religious foundation more often serves all of us best. Honesty is usually the best policy, but life is complicated and sometimes, maybe it’s best to keep some things secret.
Please listen to“The Bruce Sallan Show - A Dad’s Point-of-View,” Thursdays at 11 a.m. - noon., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara, or on the Internet via a live stream. To contact Bruce, visit his Website: brucesallan.com. Find Bruce on Facebook www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. You can also follow Bruce at Twitter: twitter.com/BruceSallan.
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